There are valid reasons why Christmas is dubbed the silly season. From complex turkey politics and carb paranoia to determining socially acceptable napping intervals, we’ve wrapped up a list of common questions we tend to ask ourselves during the festive season.
1. Do I really have to go to the shops? (No, really.)
2. Why is there so much meat and so few roast potatoes?
3. If no one likes Christmas pudding, why are we having it again?
4. Will the Christmas punch be too strong for the grandparents?
5. On average, how many Quality Streets does it take to go up a dress size?
6. Do we really have to dress up? Wouldn’t it be better if we all just wore elasticated pants?
7. Is it okay if I have a drink (just a little one) before 12pm?
8. Coleslaw, noodle salad, bean salad, potato salad – how many side dishes do we really need?
9. Can’t we just braai some chops and make boerie rolls?
10. Does anyone ever really appreciate soup as a starter?
11. What is a socially acceptable length for a Christmas Day nap?
12. Will anyone notice if I eat only stuffing and no turkey meat?
13. Is it bad manners to ask what is in said stuffing?
14. Why are Christmas crackers so expensive when they are relentlessly disappointing?
15. Who writes the ‘jokes’ inside the crackers and why does this person still have a job?
16. What, actually, is eggnog? And do people really drink it?
17. Will Tim Noakes find out if I commit carbicide just this once?
18. What is the acceptable break between courses? And on that note: is it acceptable to take a nap between said courses?
19. Is it really necessary to go for a ‘little stroll’ after laboring through three courses? Can’t I just lie down?
20. Will anyone really notice (or care) if the mince pies are store bought?
21. What would the public reaction be if I spread brandy butter on my toast for breakfast?
22. If suet is what I think it is, why is it acceptable to add it to puddings?
23. How long until we can stop eating the leftovers? There are only so many gammon and turkey sandwiches I can handle.
24. Can we order in for New Year’s Eve?
25. Why is all the rum gone?
Got questions of your own for the universe? Please share them in the comments.