25 things only wheat-intolerant people will understand

1. When the restaurant doles out free bread that you didn’t ask for. And it’s piping hot and smells like victory.

2. When somebody else chooses the restaurant and it’s a really authentic Italian place. Enjoy that plain salad.

3. When the waiter asks you’d prefer white or wholewheat.

4. When you’re trying to choose a salad at the supermarket, but every single one contains pasta.

5. When somebody tells you that there’s no such thing as wheat intolerance.

6. When you go to a friend’s house for dinner and they’re making mac and cheese.

7. When you see ‘buckwheat’ listed as an ingredient, but can’t remember if that’s the good one or the bad one.

8. When the catering platter serves only samoosas, sandwiches, mini quiches and pies.

9. When the Italian restaurant has wheat-free pasta, but they don’t make the lasagne with it.

10. When the wheat-free pizza base costs an extra twenty bucks.

11. …And it’s so hard and resistant to human teeth that you consider repurposing it as a frisbee.

12. When it’s someone’s birthday at the office, and there is cake.

13. When the burgers come on brioche buns, and you have to give yours up.

14. When you realise that even pork sausages are packed with wheat.

15. …And so is soya sauce! No sushi?!

16. When it all gets too much and you cave and eat wheat.

17. When you discover a sweet-potato bread that’s basically the exact texture and flavour of white bread. (Thanks, Wellness Warehouse!)

18. When you give away the free biscuit that came with your coffee, and see the joy on the recipient’s face.

19. When you spot a bakery making wheat-free cinnabons. (Thanks, Loaves on Long!)

20. When you discover a flourless chocolate cake that’s even more glorious than actual cake.

21. When those LCHF people become so ubiquitous that restaurants start serving cauliflower pizza bases, which, although they’re nothing like pizza, at least taste like cauliflower instead of cardboard.

22. When you discover a place that sells bagels – soft, white, glorious bagels – made out of spelt flour, which you discover you can actually eat. (Thanks, Max Bagels!)

23. When wheat-free low-carb bread also becomes an option, thanks to Professor Noakes.

24. When you eat well for an entire week, and feel like you’ve scaled Everest.

25. …And you realise you’re not in pain, because you have been kind to your body.


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